If you follow me on Instagram or know me well, you know that I am REALLY focused on hitting my goal of 156 plus workouts. I would almost say I am Obsessed with it – but in a healthy way. And now I am going to tell you why…
I wasn’t feeling very beautiful or very much like me.
Sad. But True.
I was lost. I think with age we tend to be a little harder on ourselves anyway. I was also dealing with infertility and the emotional roller coaster that goes with that. It has been a rough couple of years and I was down on myself and things in general. I also love FOOD. It was my comfort. It still is my comfort.
I will state right here that I am incredibly lucky to have the husband I do. He has been so supportive, understanding and most of all PATIENT.
Couple the above feelings with the fact that we are also constantly surrounded by social media, media, television shows with beautiful people and I started to second guess who I was. I started to get lost in the “if only I was a little more…” world.
This is not me.
SO I set a goal for myself – not a number on a scale, not the number of inches I wanted to lose and not the size of clothes I wanted to fit into. BUT just the number of workouts I wanted to achieve. I did this as a little experiment for myself. I wanted to see how I felt without the added pressure of playing the number game. (Well not the usual number game!)
You see I have worked out for years off and on, but never really committed to a program, class or type of exercise. Every personal development book was telling me though that routine was good, it was healthy and an exercise routine was like a double whammy of healthy goodness. My doctors were suggesting it might be a good idea and would be helpful to me on many levels. I decided to make it part of my list.
I found a program that I though might be a good fit. I was nervous about it, and did some pre workouts to get my self ready for it. I was going to commit to a program called 80 Day Obsession, or at least I was going to TRY to commit to it. This program was about exercise and fueling the body in a better way. I was willing at this point to eat healthy but my big commitment would be on the exercise portion. On the first day of the program, Autumn Calabrese (the trainer) said “if you want to be the best version of yourself this is the program for you!” (or something along those lines) and I thought well isn’t this fitting since that is my goal this year – it felt like this was all meant to be!!
So for the past 24 days I have made my health a priority. I belong to two accountability groups which is a huge motivator. (We check in each day on FB and support each other – it is wonderful way to stay grounded and accountable – and meet people too who are working towards similar goals!)
You know what…I am feeling refreshed and on the mend!! More so mentally then physically (although I definitely feel physically better as well.) I am happier. I have more energy. I am feeling much more like myself. I look forward to my workout time because it is MY time to work on me. I am physically putting in effort with the intention of doing something that will make me a better version of myself.
I am about to go into Phase 2 of this program and I have to say I am ready to start integrating the timed nutrition and I am excited about it. Just to see the impact that nutrition has on my workouts but also in general.
I workout because I love me. I workout for my physical health. But more importantly I workout for my mental health.
Last week was Bell Let’s Talk Day in Canada, a day where money is raised for mental health awareness but more importantly discussions happen about the stigma associated with mental health. I purposely chose this week to discuss why I workout because it means I would have to talk about the difficulty I have endured the past couple of years with anxiety and depression. I am able to help keep the conversations going. My experience had a lot to do with the infertility issues and the massive amounts of pressure I put on myself because my body couldn’t do what I have always been taught it should be capable of doing. I didn’t really talk to anyone about what I was dealing with ore more importantly how I was feeling. I started to hate my body and not care about it. I started to hate me.
My husband stood by my side, he encouraged me to start working out again. He was supportive, kind and caring about it. He talks to me, asks how I am feeling. He holds me on the good and bad days. I am so appreciative of that.
For me, because of exercise I am starting to love my body and realize what IT IS capable of doing, not focusing on what it isn’t capable of doing. I am starting to love me again.
I know that exercise won’t be the fix for everyone. It isn’t really the entire fix for me, but it is helping me. (even if I still have rough days…)
BUT I hope that if you are reading this, you understand I am not writing this just about exercise…I am writing this because I care. We should all care and keep talking. Mental health needs to be talked about and the stigma associated with dealing with mental illness need to be broken down. I am here to listen and if what I can share about my own journey helps – then that is ok too.